Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
