I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
