She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize