does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
