I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize