She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
