he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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