I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
