I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
