so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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