i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
