I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
