Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
