I am in a vortex of obligation.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
