i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
