If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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