Umm I'm too high to move.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
