Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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