so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
