Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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