Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
