Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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