so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
