Yo dont text me then not text me
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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