Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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