just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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