If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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