her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
