I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
