dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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