If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize