Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
