I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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