somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
