I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
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You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
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do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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