I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you traded sex for a burrito?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
