I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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