Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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