He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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