It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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