Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
