When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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