I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
