the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
