Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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