Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
