It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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