You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
