But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I forgot how hot balto sounded
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
