In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
