will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
