My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
