You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
