in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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