soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I want a musical about memes.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
