I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
