it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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