Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
