We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
