My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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